System overview: Virtual Boy

Okay so I want to talk about Virtual Boy without saying the typical things about it. I know that it was a big failure and it supposedly made your eyes catch on fire and pop out, but all this has been blown out of proportion over the last 15 years. Sure, I know that your eyes won't exactly thank you for playing, and that the failure ultimately led to Gunpei Yokoi leaving Nintendo, but I think the whole story is much more than than this. I want to skip most of the easily made fun of bits and just focus on this weird little system that for about six months was unlike anything else on the market.

I remember this thing coming out back in 1995 and thinking about how stupid it seemed. It was called the Virtual Boy, but we could all tell that it was not virtual reality and not really portable in the same way the Game Boy Was. Honestly a better name would've been the 3D Supertripod or something like that. Incidentally I also thought that the DS and XBox would fail while the Dreamcast would be a rousing success. At least I was right once. In addition to the bad name the thing also had lousy advertising. Do you remember the Play It Loud era? This is when Nintendo tried to be edgy (like Sega) and started to make very strange ads. They placed the Virtual Boy in a strange post-apocalyptic world where it had a mind of its own and possessed very dirty looking teenagers. They should've just had some guy dressed up like Mario talking about it. This would have been much more appealing. Anyway, these are the main reasons why I never got around to playing one of these things until 2012. This is a little late I know, but still sooner than most people.

So what is playing the Virtual Boy really like? Honestly it's like no other gaming experience out there. Put you face against that thing and you are suddenly the entire world goes away. It becomes just you and the game. There's no time, people, or responsibilities. It's a little bizarre, and a bit unsettling. I always feel like someone's gonna sneak up behind me and smack me in the back of the head. Back when this thing came out I wondered why they didn't include a strap to go around your head. Now I see why. It would be much too scary without a quick escape. I know that this sound a little silly, but there really isn't a more immersive gaming experience out there. I could only imagine playing Elder Scrolls on this thing. My world would be red forever.

There are only around 14 games for the thing, but most of them are actually fun. There there are a couple from each major genre besides RPG and racing which makes for a surprising amount of variety for such a small library. Most of them are first party so you know they gotta be good. I guess this is why the machine still has so many fans. It's not only people trying to be different. They just want to spend hours playing Panic Bomber and Galactic Pinball. Also, most of the games are practically unheard of outside of the VB due to the unique nature of  the machine. If you want to play Wario Land, there's not really another way to play it that gives you the same experience.

Today just about everyone, including Nintendo, remembers this as a complete failure. I will admit that this is mostly true, but there are surprising elements to the VB story. It seems that today there is still an avid fan base out there today. If you go on Ebay you will see a ton of them, and most of them actually sell. There are also the people out there that are still playing theirs after all these years. The mere fact that a strange and difficult to play machine with less than 20 games has so many fans has to prove something about Nintendo. Even when they make something this horrible it is still damn fun to play. Sure I hurt my back playing it, but I still play it and have a good time doing so. The Virtual Boy is sure proof that Nintendo is the greatest gaming company of all time. I just hope nobody sneaks up behind me and hits me on the back of the head. 

 

NES #40: Battle of Olympus

Battle of Olympus is one of the hardest games I've ever played through on NES. It's easy to get lost, the enemies are relentless, and most of the areas send you back to the beginning when you get killed. This is also one of the games that I failed at the most times before I actually beat it. As a kid I thought I was just too dumb, but now I know that it's just a hard game. Anyway, I'm a big fan of this game, but I'm very happy to get it crossed off my list. I'm sure you would be to. So Battle of Olympus takes place in a strange alternate reality where the greek gods are real and you can travel from city to city simply by going through someone's door. It is laid out similar to the side scrolling sections in Zelda 2, but the two games really aren't that similar. The two games get compared sometimes, but I think that's mostly based on people looking at two screenshots. I do enjoy this game, but it's got some of the most confusing level layouts in the history of gaming. There is a time where you go through a door in a forest only to come out in an almost identical forest with a slightly different color. Get ready for this color changing trick because it gets used all the time. I mean, it was such a good idea why not try it in every dungeon. Of course this is an RPG made before 1992, so it's practically impossible without some help from the internet. I've brought up a picture of the menu screen to illustrate this point. How would you know what any of this stuff did without going online? I guess you could look it up in the instruction book, but this game is from 1989 so you don't have it anymore. I guess the top row is easy enough to understand. It's mostly sharp things so it must be weapons. But what's with that middle row? A harp and an ocarina? A blue bubble and a blood bubble? A pitcher of water? What does it all mean? I can tell you that the ocarina calls the dolphin which will take you across the sea. The harp, however, summons pegasus who takes you back to somewhere you don't want to be that you've already been. It's only used by accident and causes players to die a little inside. The blue bubble I think revealed hidden rooms, but there are only a couple so make sure you check each one. I can't remember the blood bubble, but I'm sure it had some purpose. So I did the deed and it's done. I just noticed that I only ever post pictures of menu screens and shops on here. I think it's time for a little honesty. I'm really no good at taking pictures, and my tv does not help matters. I have to go online for the pictures on here, and I always feel guilty using someone else's picture. I've actually poorly cropped pictures on purpose just so that nobody would feel like I have good pictures on here. I've decided to not worry about that so much so I'm going to close today with an actual screenshot of the game. These mountains still give me nightmares.

NES #40 - The Goonies II

Okay so this is a very strange game, so I apologize if this is a weird entry. I'm just not quite sure how to describe this one. It's one of those really old NES games that everyone has a copy of, acknowledges as a classic, and kinda hates. I know very few people who enjoy this game as more than a curiosity or signal of things to come. I mean how could you? It's really old and really weird.

The premise itself is odd. I always thought that there was a movie sequel to the original Goonies out there somewhere that I had simply never seen. However, this sequel doesn't exist. Instead this is, I believe, the very first video game exclusive sequel. That concept might actually work today, but this was the NES in 1987. If you played the game with no manual or guide you would have no idea that there was supposed to be any kind of story behind it. You're a kid in a weird building with a yo-yo fighting bats, and that's really about as deep as it gets.

Actually you are saving the other Goonies and rescuing a mermaid. Also, the Fratellis are after you again, but I don't know why. An opening movie would've been helpful, but they hadn't thought of that yet. You play as Mikey, but the other Goonies are completely generic and unnamed. You can't tell your Chunks from you Datas in this one. Anyway, that's about as much of the story as I can explain here. I'm sure you can find the instruction manual online somewhere and read more about it. People used to read more papery things back in the 80s.

So here's the way the game goes in case you've never played it. The game is split up into"action" and "adventure" sections. In the "action" sections you're trapped in this really weird place that is hard to define. You're in a volcano, and then you climb up a ladder and you're in Greenland. You go through a door and you're in a cave. It's something like that. The place has a front side and a back side so be ready to get really confused all the time. You get some weapons, but none of them are all that effective. Also, the controls are a bit sluggish. All in all it's pretty bland, but at least it's fun to watch the suddenly changing scenery.

I can handle a bland game, but what really gets to me is the "adventure" section. What this consists of is a series of identical rooms. Sometimes they have people to talk to and sometimes they have hidden secrets. Sometimes they have locked safes that have extremely unhelpful hints in them. I loved wasting a key to find out that "it's fun to play Goonies 2." Do you know how many bats I had to kill to get that stupid key? Where's an interrobang when I need it? Anyway, all of these empty rooms have four walls and a ceiling. There could be more treasures hidden behind them, so lets hit every wall in the whole game. To do this you just pull up your item screen, pick your fist or hammer, and then push the button on the wall you want to smash. Oh, and you will get different results with different items, so you will have to hit each wall in each room with both you fist and your hammer. I guess sometimes a hammer would smash right through that extra key ring or pair of Goonie shoes, so you need a less powerful fist to get the job done. So yeah, this process takes about five minutes per room and involves no skill or thought. It's just an endurance test that tries to show off that phony 3D room effect that they loved so much in the 8-bit era. However, this ain't Phantasy Star. It's not even Fester's Quest. Oh, and you also have to hit an old man with a hammer five times.

You know, I hadn't really planned on being so hard on this game. It doesn't seem like it's that bad. But at the same time maybe it is. Maybe it's a visionary game that pointed to the future, or maybe it was more of a case of the programmers being in over their heads. I honestly can't tell you. This game is more confusing to talk about than it is to play, and that's saying something. I'm sure the debate about this game has been raging ever since '87. Or am I the only person still talking about it? I sure hope not.

NES #39 - Gradius

Oh yeah I finally beat Gradius, yet another game in my recent "suddenly really good at Nintendo" streak. This is one of the oldest space shooters for NES, and it really set the blueprint for games to come. It's also not that difficult, but I sure had a hard time with it. I really suck at shooters in general. That's why you won't read too many Turbografx reviews on here. I always blame the fact that I'm left handed which prevents me from pushing the fire button fast enough. Although I think it's actually me and not the controller. Anyway, I was finally able to cross this one off the list.

The battles between me and Gradius are legendary. I bought this game in college and would go on spurts where I would play it every day. This was always my night class game because I could get in a few rounds quickly before I had to go to bed. Sadly, I have a lot more memories of evenings being spent failing at old games than I do hanging out with friends in college. I probably shouldn't explore that fact too much other than to say it was their fault and not mine.

Anyway, this game used to always drive me crazy. I would either get killed by those Easter Island heads, giant rock (or granola) monsters, or get all the way to the end only to be killed by that blue wall. If you don't fly in front of that blue wall you will die, and it would be so long between trips to the last level that I would forget where it was. I also remember that I was able to skip level four just about every time because of a built in game mechanism. I always thought it was from how many point you got, but I foolishly looked it up and found out it was from how fast a certain boss was defeated. After I read that I was never able to skip the level again. Sometimes you're just better at things you don't know how to do.

What was interesting about my final run was that about half way through the game the graphics started to glitch. This is happening more and more with my NES which worries me a little bit. The screen got covered in vertical lines, and everything was much harder to see. I got so awesome at this game that I didn't even need to see it properly. Of course the bullets flying at me had streamers on them which made them a bit easier to see, but it was also very hard to tell which part was projectile and which part was graphical glitch. I'm just gonna pretend like I'm even cooler for beating the game while it was glitchy.

I think most people who have played this game will call it a classic, and I'm certainly not going to argue with that. I like how it plays like one long level instead of six short ones. I also enjoy the power-up system that does require at least a little bit of thought. I guess the biggest complaint that there is no final boss, but with such a crazy final level I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. Not every game has to have a final boss.

So I can finally lay Gradius to rest and move on. It was a difficult journey, but one that I'm glad I took on. It's times like this that remind me how many good games there are on NES. Even in the early days people didn't know what they were doing they were pumping out classics like this. Actually, it's hard to think of a system that had a better first two years. If this was the kind of blog that people actually commented on I'm sure you'd all have something to say about that.

NES #38 - Rygar

Wait I actually beat Rygar!? Well that's it, I can do anything now. It's time to go back and beat every other game that has been bugging me for the last 20 years. I'm looking at you Fester's Quest! Okay, so maybe that's pushing it a little bit, but finally finishing Rygar did make me feel a little cocky. The part that makes no sense to me now is that it wasn't even that hard. It only took about two hours, and none of the bosses were particularly difficult. So why did it take me so long to beat this one?

I guess the easy answer is that this is one of those infamous NES action RPGs with no save feature. It's similar to Sunsoft games like Blaster Master and the aforementioned Fester's Quest in that it takes a good amount of time and must be done all at once. Actually, this is probably the most talked about feature of Rygar. It's often referred to as "that game with the super yo-yo and no password." However, when I finally played it for real the game only took about two hours. Sure it's not Contra length, but it's certainly an acceptable length especially for a kid. Now that I have been through it I think there were a couple other reasons why I never finished this one, and they both have to do with the limitations and strengths of the NES.

Rygar is an early NES game, and its limitations made this one difficult for me as a kid. This game can get confusing easily. The backgrounds all look similar, and most doors take you to the same giant old guy giving you cryptic clues. I hate cryptic NES clues! It's easy to get lost, especially early on without all the items. The controls are another issue. Was anyone able to figure out how to use the wind pulley without looking it up? I watched internet videos of it and it still confused me. You have to walk up to a rope just the right way and wait for the click. If you do it wrong you're going right into the water and back to the beginning of the level. This certainly held me back as a kid. Also, it's one of those games where after you die your life only replenishes part way. This wouldn't be a problem if live was easier to come by, but you really have to kill a lot of enemies to get hearts back. These are all the classic problems of early NES games, but it's still not the whole story. I think the reason I had so much trouble beating this game is related to the reason why I still spend so much time playing these old games today.

When I was a kid I found this game far too captivating to finish. It was like Metroid in that it transported me to a different world. I got caught up in the music and atmosphere. When I rented it, which I did frequently, I didn't even want to finish it. That would almost ruin the experience for me. I just wanted to wander around that alien world with my strange weapon and fight spinning lizards and spiny turtles all day. It wasn't until I was much older that beating this game even registered as a possibility in my mind, and by that time I was too busy to sit down for what I thought would be an entire day and finish it. Luckily my schedule allows me long weekends occasionally, so I can go back and play games like this.

So yeah I beat Rygar, and it didn't diminish the magic very much. I still felt a little like I did 20 years ago when I first started playing NES. I could talk about how easy the last boss was or how there wasn't that much of an ending, but that's all beside the point. This is one of the truly great games on the greatest gaming system of all time. You can play this game to beat it, you can play it to see how high you can get your experience, or you can just play it for that great music and nostalgia for your earlier days. The NES is a world all its own, and you are free to explore it in any way you see fit.

NES #37 - Tiny Toon Adventures

Okay so I'm getting myself all confused. Right now I'm about seven games behind, and I can't exactly explain why. It's not like I'm too busy or disillusioned with my blog. My posts are still fairly popular. I somehow just got behind and ended up with a half dozen or so games to write about. What's worse is that I remembered that I beat Tiny Toon Adventures and didn't have it on my list. Sadly, this is about all I remember. I guess I should go back and play some of it again, but I'll see how well I can do without actually remembering the game.

This is a standard platform game as you might expect. It has a world map, but that is purely for show. There are no branching paths or secret spaces. You can't even move your character on it. So you play as Buster in this one, but if you get a special item you can switch between Dizzy, Furball, or Plucky. The difference between them is that Buster has no special skills. He was always the vanilla of the Tiny Toons world, and it's no different here. Plucky can fly, Dizzy can spin, and Furball can climb. All of these things are better than being able to simply walk around. Well, Dizzy's probably worse, but not by much.

This is one of those games with unlimited continues and a few difficult levels. This means that while this game is short, you will probably have to play it a while to actually beat it. This is always a little difficult for me. I know that I spend about 90 percent of my personal time playing video games, but it's hard for me to play a game longer than an hour without getting frustrated. I have never have been able to focus on one thing for more than a half hour or so. Maybe that's why I'm getting so far behind. Anyway, after about 90 minutes I started to get real angry at this game. Every time I died I wanted to stop playing and hide this game in the bottom of my closet where it could no longer hurt me. However, if I stopped than all that time would be wasted. Luckily I didn't let this game defeat me, and I was still able to have a nice weekend after I was finished. I remember fighting Montana Max, but I don't remember what happens after that. I'm sure it was disappointing.

I will say to this game's credit it's about 100 times better than its sequel. This game is actually set up like a real game. It even has a Wackyland level that actually kind of looks like Wackyland. Why was it so hard to get it right in the second game? Of course I can't play through a game series in reverse and say they fixed all the problems. However if you are going to play through both of them I highly recommend playing through this one second. At least it won't make you hate yourself. Is that a compliment? I guess it's close enough.